


The Matter in Hand

by Draycevixen



Category: Star Trek (2009), The Professionals
Genre: Crack, Crossover, Crossover Pairing, M/M, Rare Pairing, Wordcount: 1.000-3.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-09
Updated: 2011-04-09
Packaged: 2017-10-17 19:49:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/180571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Draycevixen/pseuds/Draycevixen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for Norfolkdumpling, who posted about how Sarek in the new <i>Star Trek</i> film was played by Ben Cross, who also played Stuart in <i>The Professionals</i>, and then jokingly asked if anyone would write a crossover.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Matter in Hand

**Author's Note:**

  * For [norfolkdumpling](https://archiveofourown.org/users/norfolkdumpling/gifts).



.

"...What happened?"

"You must lie still until I can assess your injuries."

Doyle looked blearily up at the stranger who was running gentle hands over him. “Bodie... Have to find Bodie... They took him.”

As the man’s face came slowly in to focus Doyle blinked and then sat bolt upright, grabbing at the back of his head as pain knifed through him.

“Humans” the man muttered as he moved to support Doyle. “You must try to lie still. It’s for your own good.”

"Who the hell are— _Stuart?_ Christ what are you dressed up as? If this is Bodie's idea of a practical joke, you in a set of Spock ears, I'll rip him a new one."

"You know my son?"

"Give over Stuart, you can't be that much older than Bodie and I haven't hit my head that hard."

"Bodie? I’m unfamiliar with that name. I was speaking of Spock, my son."

"I can't possibly be this drunk..."

“You are not intoxicated. My name is Sarek. I was searching London for my son when I got a reading on the— I happened to stumble upon this alley. I saw you being attacked by Rom—”

“The tattooed gang, now I remember...”

“And came to your aid.”

“You snapped one of their necks like a twig.”

“I regret the taking of a life. If your authorities—”

“Nah, mate, he was going to shoot me. I might not have recognized the type of gun—”

“A disruptor.”

“—but I could see in his face what he was going to do. Thanks. Come to think of it they were wearing ears like yours...” Doyle could feel Sarek’s arm across his back stiffen slightly “...Bugger, is this some sort of anorak thing gone wrong?”

“An _anorak thing_? An anorak is a waterproof coat, is it not? In what way—”

“Never mind. Come to think of it, now my head’s stopped spinning, there was another bloke here with Spock ears I think. Sorry, I’m still a bit fuzzy...”

“I think it was my son and his ears were right where they are supposed to be.” Sarek raised his hand in front of Doyle’s face and then hesitated. “With your permission, I would like to touch your face.”

“Am I bleeding?”

“Yes and I do wish to help you, but that is not why I wish to touch your face.”

Doyle flinched back. “Now hold on a minute, _mate_ , I don’t know what sort of funny ideas you’ve got but—”

“I do not understand what you mean by _funny ideas._ By touching my fingers to the side of your face I can see what you saw and with my more extensive knowledge of events and the Romulans—”

“Who?”

“The _tattooed gang_.”

“Right.”

“I might be able to make sense of it.”

“...Will you share the information with me?”

“As much as I can and as is relevant to your missing friend.”

“All right.”

Sarek’s fingers pressed against Doyle’s face. “My mind to your mind...”

 

***

Bodie hadn't seen Doyle since the flash of light in the middle of the alley had swallowed the Capri.

The bloke in the Spock fancy dress – a pretty amazing copy all things considered although he hadn't got the nose right – had started to explain about the time/space vortex to him and Bodie had tried complaining aggressively to the bloke with the fancy face tattoo and, well, that just explained how the two of them had ended up gagged and chained together, with “Spock” straddling Bodie's lap, to the great amusement of the stupid arrogant tossers that "Spock" had called Romulans, although _their_ fancy dress wasn’t very good at all.

Bodie had been trying to communicate with "Spock" through a series of eyebrow waggles – christ he missed Doyle, who would have understood immediately – when "Spock" had managed to move one of his hands chained together around Bodie's neck to press it against the side of his face. Bodie had felt the earth fall away beneath him as he'd suddenly felt Spock inside his mind.

 _So... you really are him?_ Bodie had learned from Cowley to draw logical conclusions.

Bodie saw the momentary wide eyed astonishment on Spock's face as he saw the images in Bodie's mind being generated by Spock shifting about in his lap. If he’d blinked he would have missed it as Spock’s expression turned rapidly neutral.

 _Interesting... and theoretically, more than possible. Vulcans really are a lot more flexible than the average human, mentally, sexually... and, more importantly, in this case, physically. For instance, we’re three times stronger than humans so my thigh muscles would be able to take the strain easily._

Bodie tried to push up against him but Spock easily held him down against the chair.

 _I said I was stronger. I also said “theoretically.” My interests lie elsewhere, as do yours._

Bodie glowered at him. _I have no idea what you mean._

 _Curly hair, chipped tooth, damaged cheekbone... A truly extraordinary gluteus maximus that you’d like to—_

 _That’s enough!_

 _Is that... Shame? I apologize, I keep forgetting the historical time you are from. If it helps any..._

Bodie could suddenly see a film loop of a very handsome blond, like it was being projected inside his head.

 _...Who’s that? And does he really get his leg over that often?_

 _My captain, James T. Kirk. And yes, he is a very successful slut._

 _Slut?_

 _I believe it is an appropriate use of Earth slang from your period._

 _It’s normally only applied to women._

 _But it is a derogatory term for a type of behaviour that is true of both men and women. Is it not then judgemental to apply it to only women?_

 _I suppose it is, now that I come to think of it... So, your captain’s a... slut but you... I’m sorry._

 _Do not be sorry. I will wait until he grows up._

 _Or runs out of warm bodies in this universe?_

 _Or that. And you?_

 _No point in waiting, Ray doesn’t do blokes... At least your Kirk looks flexible._

 _Too flexible. But I will wait._

 _Well, when we get out of here_

 _If we—_

 _When we get out of here, seeing as we’re both screwed, what do you say we..._

Bodie projected a few images of his own.

 _...Yes, you are not unattractive and why should Jim have all the fun? ... Handcuffs? Interesting. You do remember that I am three times stronger than you... Oh, the handcuffs are for you... Still not necessary, I could just pin your wrists to the bed... I am glad you approve. Would you consider..._

 _...Christ! You could hold that position?_

 _Easily._

 _You’re on._

 

***

 

“... once we escaped, we... hid in the coupling room for a few hours while they searched for us and then Sarek— what’s that word again?” Bodie turned to look at Spock.

“beamed”

“beamed us out and here we are.” Bodie stared down at Ray. “Are you sure you’re all right? Can I get you something?”

Ray looked up at him from where he was propped up in the hospital bed. “I’m sure Bodie, stop asking. Sarek stopped the bleeding before the ambulance even got there. I should be going home tomorrow. You could get me some water though.”

Bodie poured a glass of water and reached over to hand it to Doyle, who grabbed hold of Bodie’s arm.

“What happened to you?” He slid Bodie’s shirt cuff back further, looking at the bruising around his wrist.

Bodie shifted uncomfortably. “Told you, they chained us up.”

“But these look like they were caused by fingers.”

“The guards were a bit rough, that’s all. Here, take your water.”

Ray took the glass and Bodie stepped back, immediately pulling his shirt cuff back down over his wrist. It didn’t escape Ray’s notice that Spock immediately stepped closer to Bodie, his hand brushing accidentally against Bodie’s in the process, but then living through a dangerous situation together often forged a bond.

“Father, we must be leaving.”

“Yes, my son.”

Spock left the room, Bodie following him with a quick “I’m just going to say goodbye, I’ll be right back” to Doyle. Sarek stepped closer to the bed.

“Why do you not tell him how you feel? Is that not the human way?”

Doyle’s head jerked around from watching the doorway to face Sarek. “I don’t—

“I was in your mind, Raymond.”

“He’s not— He wouldn’t... It’s complicated.”

“I do not believe that it is in fact complicated but then human emotions always blur your ability to analyze the empirical facts presented to you. Goodbye, Raymond Doyle. Live long and prosper.” Sarek paused for a moment at the door of Doyle’s hospital room. “If you consider the matter in hand I think you will come to understand that the only _restraints _here are of your own making.”__

 

.


End file.
